Controlling much?

As much as I would love to be one of those people who can just go with the flow, take whatever comes, and not worry about anything at all (do they actually exist, these people??), I'm not.

I have always been a planner, and love lists, diagrams, ticking things off, and gantt charts.

Having two babies at once has probably only intensified this side of me, with the bizarre side-effect of totally calming me down and chilling me out.

My days are very structured, but more than ever I am thriving on it. It means I know where we're all at at particular point. If my boys are crying, then I know why - I don't have to guess. And they are thriving too. They almost visibly sigh with relief when I pop them down for a sleep. They very rarely kick up a fuss. I can pop them down, give them a quick kiss, a gentle rub between the eyes, and walk out of the nursery, and they will go to sleep on their own.

Until yesterday, the schedule was in my head. Now, it's on a corkboard.
T totally cracked up when he arrived home last night and saw it. He thinks I'm nuts. Actually, he probably couldn't believe I hadn't done it earlier.

On the husband note, isn't it heartwrenching when they get home and the little ones are already asleep?? Oh, my heart just bleeds for him. It isn't fair. I know the parent who is at home with little ones works incredibly hard, but I really feel for the one who is off at work. Especially when the thought of seeing their bubba when they get home is what keeps them going all day.

Something's cooking.... and it's free!!

I have a bit of a secret that I'm working on at the moment. So, keep your eyes peeled here for an upcoming GIVEAWAY!!!

Girls night out

Ohmygoodness, I am so ridiculously excited I am acting like a hyperactive 3 year old.

I have a GIRLS NIGHT OUT tomorrow night. It will be the first time I've gone 'out' since the boys were born. And really, even before then, since I was in hospital for ages before they were born, and had a displaced hip even before that. It's been a looooong time.

I have my frock and shoes all ready to go (new, of course, for the special occasion). I am having some slight buyer's remorse over the frock... it is rather, ummm, short. Well, it's actually very very very short. My backside is dangerously close to the hem.

See:

I'm thinking that my options are black leggings, or, just a couple of cocktails to take the self-conscious edge off!!

Almost all of us have had babies in the last 6 months, so it will be entertaining to see how long we all last without caving in to the phone call and a quick end to the evening.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee! Have fab weekends everyone.

Your first love

People say to never forget your first love. The exquisite joy and the heartwrenching pain are essential in building you. That a broken heart helps shape you into the person you eventually become.

I'm sure this is true.

But honestly, I was never in love before T. Partly because we met so young. But also because I was never one of those girls that boys liked. I had girlfriends who had new boyfriends before they got rid of the old one, but I never even went on a date.

Sure, I had crushes. But they were always unrequited. And the only boys who liked me were the ones I didn't like back.

So, T, you are my first and only love. I adore you with every breath in me. Thank you for making my life perfect. Thank you for making me happy every single day. Thank you for our darling boys. I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day.
xx

About me

My name is Jen. Or Jennifer. I used to be known as Jenny when I was younger, but I don't know, I just outgrew it. Now if anyone calls me Jenny it feels really funny. Awful, in fact. It just isn't me.

People always think they know me. Or have met me. Or that my name is Sarah. I think I have one of those really familiar faces. Truly, not a week goes by without someone grabbing me in a shopping centre, or waving at me somewhere. I always smile and wave back. I think it's rude not to.

I have a really really good memory. Crazy good actually. When I close my eyes, I can practically recall the words on a page in a book. And I memorise things really quickly. It's like a party trick. It has come in handy though: I managed to do pretty well at school and uni, and in my job where I have to know reams of laws it's an extremely helpful skill. It causes me problems sometimes though - people tend to think I'm smarter than I am. I can actually be a total airhead at times.

I'm a Pisces. But I don't actually know what that means. I've never really looked into it. I don't know why, but horoscopes just don't do it for me. People I know often nod their head knowingly when I say I am a pisces. Apparently I must fit the mould.

The lovely nutters of our world always find me. It doesn't really matter where I am. I could be surrounded by a million people, and still, I end up next to the person with a few mental health issues. Must be linked to the fact that people always think they know me.

I have a foul temper. But I never lose it. I have totally trained myself to never ever lose my head. I don't think that shouting and screaming gets you anywhere. Except for the person you are shouting and screaming at thinking you are crazy and unhinged. Which is not the ideal way to get your point across, or reach a conclusion that you're happy with. So I just don't. I don't even really get mad anymore. I much prefer smiling.

I am a milliner. This means I make hats, headpieces, silk flowers, headbands, and all sorts of other lovely creations for people to wear on their heads. I hope that one day I can do this full time.

I'm a perfectionist. I'm not someone who can throw together a totally last minute relaxed dinner party. Sure, I can make it look that way. But believe me, hours of planning, cleaning, prepping, and organising go on behind the scenes.

I really love cooking. Really love it. I'm an excellent recipe follower. Things usually turn out as they're supposed to. Unless the recipe is wrong. Then I'm stuffed. I'm not a 'natural' cook. I can't tell if a recipe isn't right. That's why I don't call myself a good cook. Excellent recipe follower is much more accurate.

I am a mum. To two adorable little babies. Twin boys: Hamish and Lachlan. I am obsessed with them. I adore them. I never knew I could love anyone so fiercely. Nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of emotion I felt when I first laid eyes on them. They were born 6 weeks prematurely, and were classified as very low birth weight (that's under 1500g / 3lbs) because of intrauterine growth restriction. They were so so tiny. So many tubes and machines. We spent a loooong month in the NICU with them when they were first born, and the day we brought them home is one of my most treasured memories.

I am completely in love with my husband T. We met when were 20. We married at 24. And I think we're in a stronger, better, healthier, more loving relationship than ever before. We're one of those lucky couples who grow together even though we met so young.

No-one I know in the real world knows I have this blog. Except T. I didn't start it to get a zillion followers. I started it because I wanted to create a conversation with my babies. I hope one day when they're old enough they can see how much I love them.


I've started this 'About Me' page so many times, and never bothered finishing it because I just didn't think it would be that interesting. After reading Chantelle's ebook (Let's Give Them Something To Blog About) I decided to just finish it off once and for all. xx

#22 Pants down Eagle Rock

Your father will explain this one to you. Apparently it's something all boys need to know.....?

And this is how it's done...

People always ask me how I manage to feed the boys at the same time. Well, this is it in action!

#21 Vote!

You are very fortunate to live in in a country with a democratic system of government. Voting is not a chore, and unfortunately, for many people around the world, it's also not a right. It's a privilege. Honour it. Use your voice. You're lucky you have one.

5 months

Hamish, my darling baby

You're 5 months old today. Already. I can't believe it.

More firsts this month! Your first swim! Your first family holiday!

Your personality is really really showing now, and I adore it. You are a beautiful, gentle, shy, and kind little boy. When Lach is crying, you coo at him and stroke his arm. You smile all the time, at anyone who takes the time to look into your eyes. But especially at your "peeps". You love your Mama, your Daddy, and Lachie. Your smile lights up my heart. It is truly beautiful.
You are now 6.3 kgs! Always growing. Sometimes I want to press 'pause' just so that I can keep my darling little baby for just a second longer.
All the love in the universe,
Your Mama

*****

Darling Lachlan, my tiny one

Ah, you are a character. You make me laugh and laugh. Your smile brightens up my day, and melts my heart. The way you smile at me when I am the first thing you see in the morning is something I can't even describe with words. It's a heart thing. It gets into my heart.
You are such a happy enthusiastic little person. And your zest is infectious. Everyone who is around you ends up laughing at your antics. You don't do anything by halves. And now that you're rolling, you are even more active. You think rolling is the absolute best thing ever. You flip yourself around and then look expectantly at anyone near you - awaiting your applause.
You're 5.85kgs now ! Such a big boy.
I love you darling one
Your Mama

#20 Don't judge people by the mistakes they make

because no-one is perfect. Expecting people to never disappoint you will only cause you to feel constantly disappointed. Look for the spirit in which they apologise, and how they learn from their mistakes. That's where someone's true character lies.

Dear Mama

when do we get hair and eyebrows ??

Dream chasing

Where did January go? I forgot to get organised. But it's more important than ever that I do. I have 7 months of maternity leave left. In another lifetime that would have sounded like forever, but in this one, I know it will pass in the blink of an eye.

The thing is, I do.not.want.to.go.back.to.work. As in, back to the office, all day. But I need to earn money. Unfortunately I am not independently wealthy (bugger it), and while we're doing just fine right now, the maternity pay will run out, and things will be tougher.

So, I need a plan. And as someone who in a former life makes money from strategic planning, I ought to be able to do this, right? Somehow it's always more difficult when it's your own life. And, when - like me - you're slightly risk averse.

I have some options. I could try to get some freelance consulting work. I could very easily help small businesses to get their marketing strategies off the ground. I could work with them on business planning. I could do some press releases, write some marketing pieces, that kind of thing. But where do the clients come from? I don't have the time at the moment to really get out there and pound the pavement for work.

What do I really want to do? I'd love to make a real go of it with millinery. At the moment I do no marketing or advertising or other 'salesy' stuff, and I still manage to get orders almost weekly. I'd love to do it properly. After all, the racing carnivals happen every spring and winter, and women get married every week.

To do it properly, I'd need a stack of supplies, a steamer, a website, tags, labels, packaging, product photography, some cash for a bit of advertising / promotion, and - this is the main thing - some guts to get out there and get some stockists. Oh, and a loan. Not much. I could probably get everything I need for about $5K, and most of that would go on a website (oh, how I wish I had skills in that area).

Can I afford to take the risk? Can I really borrow cash to do something that feels a bit self-indulgent? What happens if it doesn't work out and then I've wasted time and still owe someone somewhere money.

But what if I don't? I'd hate to have that kind of regret. I want to be a good role model to my boys. I want them to be surrounded by strong women who are brave enough to chase their dreams and create some financial independence. And of course, working at home would give me the flexibility I need to raise my boys the way I want to.

So *gulp* February is decision time. It's now or never. Am I just chasing rainbows, or can I really do this?

Wish me luck.